Back, crack and sack!!

I was faced with the reality of my cancer diagnosis head on that I will admit made me shed a few tears.

The general fatigue and headaches I have associated with the radiotherapy. Friday night however I was watching TV in bed when I felt something fall on my cheeks and just brushed it off. It happened again so I turned on the bedside light and ran my fingers threw my hair and yes it came out in bundles.

I knew it was a possibility that this could happen although I kind of kidded myself that it would not as it did not with the chemotherapy two years ago.

John was snoring next to me so I woke him up to share my drama and emotions and I told him my hair has started to fall out. With his blood shot eyes and dreamy stare he asked me “how you know it is falling out.” So I ran my fingers through once more and I got an OH I SEE…..

I wiped away my tears and we rolled over and cuddled up and fell asleep…..with my last thoughts thinking I was going to wake with spitting out hair balls like the cats and with mohair covered cheeks!!

My eyes opened wide to the new day when the alarm sent out the call and to my surprise I had no hair covered pillow and had no feeling to throw up any balls of hair thankfully.

Saturday morning was spent in a chair covered in a bath sheet with John plugging in the shears for a number one buzz cut. I was surprised how gentle he was taking care running the shears over my scar and although we had silence between us something special happened spiritually.

I browsed down to the floor and could see John had piled my hair neatly into a tidy heap and my first thoughts were… oh shit I am going to be bald as a coot for my holiday in February!!

My hair comes out easily if I pull it and it seems to slowly thin each time I wash it in the shower. At least a number one hair cut easily washes away down the plug hole.

Looking in the mirror I am now faced head on with the ravages of treatment and this god awful disease. However I quickly pulled myself together and managed to persuade myself to think positively. Move along the pain and anger of the emotions as they are not worth it and I certainly do not want to hang around those feelings.

It will grow back and it is winter so I wear hats at the moment anyway so what’s the problem.

It is a kind of a shame I could not be more selective and choose the place of hair loss…would that not be great….I could think of a few other places it would have been welcome….a David Beckham would have been good….back, crack and sack!!! lol