Crossover

Today was a wonderful sunny day again and we had a lovely visit to the in-laws and saw all the kids too including baby Jamie and he is growing so quickly….

I called in at the garden centre in Middleburg and it was absolutely manic with people buying plants, trees and flowers. Luckily all I needed was some cat stones and dog food so it was a case of collecting the items and going to the checkout. I would have loved to have had a roam about but much prefer it during the week when it is nice and quiet.

It would be great if it stays dry tomorrow so that I can have a good potter in the garden and prepare the ground for planting next week.

As the days lead up to the CT scan I am becoming more anxious about the result. It will be a five day wait before I have the result also.

I am not sure how I should be feeling about it actually as it still feels like I am watching from a distance as my destiny unravels.

Obviously I am going to have two outcomes the first being that the scan is clear and then I continue with the last chemo and wait for another CT scan in July. Option two and my worse nightmare is that the cancer has spread and then I will stop the chemo and take a look at my options. I am aware that if it has spread it will likely be confirmed as a terminal illness and that is the crossover I fear most.

I have already been through so much since my diagnosis last July and not sure if I have the courage to take any more bad news gracefully.

My thoughts have wondered to those dark places often on this journey and each time I pick myself up and dust myself off and continue to do the best I can with dignity....