The weekends seem to be approaching faster and faster even though I spend most of my time at home. You would think that time would be passing really slowly for me as I potter about doing my daily routine.
The light evenings are really lovely and each evening I watch the sun set a little further down the field each day.
My cats are enjoying having the freedom to roam outside in the garden at the moment…I was pretty hesitant about letting them go outside as the road next to the house is quite busy at certain times of the day.
The speed limit is on 30 but many road users far exceed this limit which is quite frightening sometimes as it not only a danger but a noise nuisance because of the cobbled road. I guess I had to let my daddy instincts go a little and let the cats find their own way in this world.
It is so funny to see them jumping around trying to catch flies ands bees and having fun playing with each other. It really has kept the cat hair problem at bay in the house as most of the loose hairs are flying away in the wind J
One more day of this lovely sunny weather and then we are in for a spot of rain on Sunday…which actually we do need as the ground is pretty dry and all the new shoots and buds need a good drink to open up and develop.
My lawns have been mowed and spiked and a good sprinkle of fertilizer thrown over them so the rain is necessary to get that working so that the lawns can get nourished and green up.
My mind is active with thoughts of my appointment on Wednesday for my CT scan. It doesn’t matter how hard I try to remain positive regarding the outcome, the waves of negativity creep in. I guess this is my own self protection to prepare my mind body and spirit for any eventual outcome.
I truly hope of course that the results will be good and then I can continue the fight to stay healthy. It will be a constant fight though for the next five years until the oncologist gives an all clear.
As the type of bladder cancer I have is the aggressive variety I will be kept under constant vigil having CT scans every 3-4 months in the first year and this will progress to 6 monthly scans and the third fourth and fifth year being yearly.
My hopes and dreams are very strong and I am certainly not ready to give up on my chance of survival because I want it so much. Keeping it together sometimes is hard although certainly part of the phases and cycles of this journey.
The trials and tribulations of my cancer journey being written here on my log have certainly helped me so much. It is allowing me to understand myself so much more also and my heart and mind has never been so open.
Loving me…. has been one lesson I have started to learn over the last 6 months as I concentrate on my own needs first before helping others. It is a hard lesson to learn and is ongoing as I try not to let old habits slip back in. In the beginning it felt strange as feelings of selfishness and guilt enveloped me. These consuming thoughts have never helped the situation and can only stunt my growth as a person….one day I will be at peace with myself.....
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