A probe too far

For me it was one probe too far yesterday with the pelvic floor training. It was advised to use a machine to check my pelvic floor muscle strength which I agreed too. Little did I know that this would mean an internal probe?

The physiotherapist left the room asking me to take my shoes and trousers off while she collected the machine. When she returned to the room with a trolley in tow and a machine on top looking like an electrical device….it looked pretty harmless.

I assumed she would be putting something between my legs to check the strength of my grip but was shocked to be informed that she would be inserting a probe up my bum for the procedure. It kind of shocked me and I felt really upset by it and refused the procedure…..I am really not sure why it upset me so much especially with going through so much the last 6 months.

Having had my operation performed in a training hospital in Rotterdam you would think I would be used to having personal probes inserted as I had so many when learning to self catheter and having cystoscopy procedures with always an entourage of doctors and nurses in tow.

The physiotherapist was a little taken aback by my reaction and she assured me that it would not be painful. My reply was that I just was not prepared for this procedure and she said we can do it another time when you feel ready and I said no I don’t want to have it ever…..and that I am very happy with the knowledge that I can clench down well in that area….

I can certainly laugh about it now but I am surprised by my own reaction….it probably is because I have been through so much and any unnecessary probing I can certainly do with ought.

The rest of the time during my appointment was spent holding and releasing my pelvic floor muscle 3 seconds on three seconds off.

I have another appointment next Monday but feel that if all I am going to do for half an hour each time is to do the same exercise then I will cancel further appointments and continue myself at home…..

During the last weekend I was advised to note down all fluid consumption and all urine volume which I did and my daily fluid intake was roughly three and a half litres a day and a a little less for urine output.

The advise was to drink more in the daytime and to stop around 19:00 at night to help stop leakage during my sleep. It is so hard to do this as I am so thirsty all the time probably due to the chemo and medicines I take right now. I will try to reduce my fluid though if it means dryer nights…..maybe I should try sips of icy fluids instead of full glasses to wet my mouth….